6-June-12

Well, it's finally happened.
I've broken up with Snezhana Bavykina.
It was one of those relationships where everyone said it wouldnt last, but I was too busy being a girlfriend to really examine my self worth.

We have broken up four times before, but this morning was the deal breaker.

Last week, I moved out of the two-bedroom myself, her, and her boyfriend (will explain more) had rented, and had gotten myself a bachelor.
She was pretty torn up about that, but I had to do it. I had to get out of there.

Snezhana and I met at work last year. June or July of 2011 to be precise.
I was living with my two friends I knew in Calgary, and things werent going so great.
(Too many people for a small space. Ouch!)
The minute I met her, I thought she was the hottest piece of ass in the workplace.
I began using that as a reason to go to work, since I decided early on I didnt like my job.
We began talking to each other in the short spirts of free time we had.
She'd mention her controlling, jealous, jerk-of-a-boyfriend and how she thought she was fat
(Sound familure? *coughCLAIREcough!*).
We'd talk about music, Russia (from where she immigrated several years ago), and general crap.
Things started getting pretty close, and we both found ourselves talking and texting for hours.
Thats how I know I like a chick. I spend a bajillion hours on the phone/computer with her.
Eventually, we both developed feelings for each other.
Once we finally confessed to each other our feelings, we suddenly began making out.
All whilst we both knew she had a boyfriend.
He started out as being really nice to me, but eventually found out (as in, walked in on us during sex), and then began to view me as the Devil.
He suggested watching us have sex. I flat out refused, to which she eventually followed.
RED SIGN #1.

Their relationship would go on it's ups and downs, as ours would.
The boy and I were always at wit's ends with each other. Ultimately, we both concluded she was using both of us and enjoyed our rivalry over her.
Except neither of us wanted to leave.
Now, in my opinion, he sucked as a boyfriend. He's lazy, ugly, mysogenistic, mentally unstable...
The list went on.
I'm no angel, but on a scale of one to I dont fucking deserve this crap, I sold myself short.

She would tell me she would leave him for me. Then tell him the same thing (reversed, of course).
Things were always pretty shaky, till eventually, I got tired of her deceit and moved out.
I didnt stop seeing her though, until yesterday morning.

I made my way over to our old place, where the two had been packing up to move.
She told me that she couldnt hurt him anymore, that she still cared for me very much, but things were just getting ridiculous.
Like every normal human being, I started to cry and yell at her.
She was in the right for ending our affair, but for all the wrong reasons.
Her relationship with him is broken. Through me, she discovered she hated sleeping with men, and that she wanted to spend her life with girls. Or so she told me. Who knows.

Yes, the whole world would tell me I deserved what I got; being the "mistress" as such, but no matter how much you rationalize something, it still hurts.
She will continue on with that stupid relationship because she is afraid of herself, and society.
It is pretty sad, but most people would rather take the easy way out of something, than to confront their most inner-fears: Themselves.

Well, I sat, slept, and cried alone in my apartment.
I've realized I dont have any close friends I can go hang out with, I have horrible self esteem, and that I've been wasting my good looks on unavailable women.
Time to change that.